Buco Nero Del Cuore

The early morning sunrise beaks around my bedroom curtains as I wake with a contradictory heart.   My heart feels as heavy as the mass of an elephant, and as if it will fall right out of my chest........but.........at the same time, there is this huge hole which has a relentless pulling .......attracting force......like gravity.  The hole almost demands to be filled.   It is the painful combined forces of falling and pulling which wake me from a peaceful dark sleep and sends me into the light. 

This description reminds me of the black holes in space where gravity pulls so relentlessly on the surrounding light.  The holes are spaces in the universe where darkness grabs onto the light and won't let it go.  Darkness holds onto the light so tight that it can not shine like the back corner of a closet where personal items are lost from sight forever.   

The experts say that the gravity is so strong in a black hole because matter has been squeezed into a tiny space which can happen when a star is dying.  In my case, something very dear to me ended earlier this year which reflected the death of star.  The result being my contradictory heart.  How does one heal a heart's black hole? Can it be done?  There is a disagreement amongst the scientific community about whether black holes disappear through evaporation.  At the same time, not every life coach agrees on the best remedy for a black hole heart.  I suppose that means that it is up to me to find a solution. 

Faith has brought me to this moment, and faith will carry me through the evolution of my heart.  My heart will heal and the black hole will be filled with love......This I must believe.  If I hold onto hope, then grace will pull me through the dark tunnel to the light of God's love.  Every morning, I must remind myself to live in the moment through my mission of loving my family, friends, and students.  By expressing and radiating God's love, love will fill my heart's black hole because for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  God has a plan for me. If I am open and aware, then His plan will unfold.  

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare 

and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11

Despite this overwhelming feeling of being alone in this black hole of my heart, God is with me.   I am not truly alone, and one day someone will truly be my side.  Trusting God........Being patient.......In time, the fear of being alone will dissipate and my soul will strengthen by God's righteous right hand.  The darkness will fade and the light of God's love will show the path for love to find me.  

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.- Isaiah 41:10

(It is rather odd that I chose the above bible passage to be read at my wedding long ago, and now I am holding onto it like a life jacket as my heart heals from the loss of something that I had held so dear.......only God knows.....maybe one day I will understand.....but I had to let it go.)  

St. Raphael the Archangel, guide me to love's path and pray for my healing

St. Michael the Archangel, protect me from tempting and dangerous spirits
St. Pio, pray for wisdom during this time
St. Theresa the little flower, show me how to love simplyMay God bless those friends and family who love me and pray for me.....
Their unfailing support is grace raining down on me.