Disappointment

    

     The sunrise hasn't occurred  yet, but I anxiously peer out the bathroom window to see if the street is covered with a thick layer of fallen snow.  Even as a teacher, I wait with anticipation for the first winter snow which will bring the first snow day of the school year.  Snow days are glorious moments of reprieve from a long second semester of teaching......But as I blink for the third time, my shoulders droop as I sigh heavily with disappointment. The streets are only lightly dusted. School will be in session. Better luck next time.

 

      Disappointment.  Big word. Big meaning. Big emotion. Big responses. Disappointments are feelings of dissatisfaction.  Expectations were not realized.....were not experienced.  In addition, other feelings can come to the surface....pain, sadness, loneliness, disapproval, disbelief, devastation, despair, and bitterness. Disappointment only leads to a yarn ball of wound up negative emotion and energy. It happens. You can't get away from it. Disappointments are always lurking around the next bend, but you don't need to follow them down the road of misery. This road of misery is a long and winding road of wallering in the muck. Sometimes you can sink in the muck, so don't even go down that road.

 

     After ten years of hopefully.....patiently waiting for a third child, we learned after twelve weeks of pregnancy that we lost the child whom is affectionately called, Josie Blix which means "God will add joy".  It was the most enormous disappointment that I had ever experienced.  The pain and sorrow cut such a deep crevice in my heart that I couldn't find my way out. I was in shock.  I was numb. A smile may have appeared on my face, but my heart was crying buckets of tears. My feet kept moving forward one step at a time, but my mind wanted to run backwards. I was sinking in the muck even though I was holding onto the foot of Jesus' cross.

 

The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage,
disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.
- Thomas S. Monson

 

    Just when you think that God has forsaken.....forgotten you, He delivers in a big way....in a way that you can't even imagine.  About five months later.........God blessed us with an unexpected pregnancy.  GOD WILL ADD JOY!  To repeat what a dear friend reiterates - GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME! - Allowing my faith to keep me afloat.....holding on tight......gave me relief while living in the crevice of despair.  The experience taught me that there are no expectations as valuable as the works, plans, and guidance of our magnificent Trinity.....Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Perseverance through the difficult pregnancy and delivery of our third child showed me that we need to rest in his arms and follow His lead. Our only expectations should be His glory.....Our daughter's birth was an unforgettable adventure, and she daily lives the virtue of patient perseverance.  God's strength, love, and light shines through her. She brings joy to all whom she meets.  She bloomed the day she was born while I began a new season.

 

She said, 'My lord, I hope you will always look on me with favour! You have comforted and encouraged me, though I am not even the equal of one of your work-women.' 

- Book of Ruth, chapter 2

 

 

    There have been other disappointments over the years.  If allowed to...disappointments can add up like a pile of boulders, then one day, the boulders will come crashing down and the devastation can be overflowing.  The effects can ripple out like shock waves causing havoc with close loved ones. Disappointments can be a domino effect.  When an expectation doesn't turn out as planned, let it go. Accept it, then give it to God.  Allow Him to do his work.  Our expectations can bind the flow of Holy Spirit in our lives.  It's one thing to communicate our expectations......likes and dislikes....to God, but then we should sit back and watch the "meraviglioso" plans which He has for us. Allow the positive energy of hope to flow.

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.
- Henry David Thoreau

 

     We will be delivered from our disappointments by not placing such high value on our expectations and trusting.  Making plans for our daily lives is practical and functional, but don't get hung up when things do not go as planned, or the people in your life do not behave according to your plans. Your plans.....your likes......your dislikes..... may not be the same as others in your life.  Communicate your feelings...express your disappointment, but it is more important to express your love.  Love should be our greatest expectation for ourselves and for the people whom God has placed in our lives.  Don't let your momentary negative feelings devastate others.  Give your disappointment to God and allow Him to guide you to the proper loving response.  Love will fill that hole left behind by disappointment. 

 

Blood of Christ, inebriate me!
Inebriate me with Your Love,
that I may be absorbed in Your interests and Your Will.
Absorbed so as to be unmindful of my ills and petty cares.
Unmindful of weariness and pain,
heartache, and disappointment.
Heedless of the lash of cruel words,
and patient under wrongs.

Amen.

May God's wisdom and St. Raphael always guide me through my moments of disappointment.
- little petunia